Good Morning! :)
What a good morning it is to blog! haha :) It's a rainy day in Nashville and I have a ton on my mind! I kind of had a stressful night last night that really got me thinking. It's so crazy how life fluctuates constantly. It's so easy to let yourself become a product of change... which isn't a bad thing normally... but in the instance that I am referring to, I can't decide if it's good or bad.. So many different things enter into our lives on a daily basis that influence who we are and what we become. People, for example, come in and out of our lives that impact us in some way. I have found myself getting completely lost in my relationships, simply because I rely too much on their worldly opinions rather than focusing on God's. We all go through those phases where we try to hard to seek God, only because we are going through a tough time and there is literally nothing else to turn to... but when things are good, God is the last thought on our mind... we we eventually find ourselves at a breaking point. I don't know about you, but I am tired of that... But sadly, I find myself there all of the time. It's gotta stop. Remember James 5:13. It says "Are any of you suffering hardships? You should pray. Are any of you happy? You should sing praises."
I use to be different. Since about February, I have been through a HUGE growing stage in my life. I have discovered countless things about myself. Good and bad. I have made it a point to be slow to anger.. and watch what I say... I learned what not to waste my energy on, because somethings are just not worth it!! Before, that was hard for me. In the last two weeks or so, I find myself slipping slowly back into those habits.. I let the world decide my fate instead of God. I have let the devil get the best of me, and I am working on finding my way back. Maybe being a product of change isn't a bad thing.. because in the ruts of my life I realize how much I need God and how much I don't need the world. I feel like I am readjusting my focal point, and setting my sights on heaven; there is far more for me there than there is here for me on this earth.
James 4:4-10
"You adulterers! Don’t you realize that friendship with the world makes you an enemy of God? I say it again: If you want to be a friend of the world, you make yourself an enemy of God. What do you think the Scriptures mean when they say that the spirit God has placed within us is filled with envy? But he gives us even more grace to stand against such evil desires. As the Scriptures say,“God opposes the proud but favors the humble.” So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor."
Love You ALL,
CourtneyShea
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
I Am.
Life after college has been very interesting. It's not what I expected it to be at all... then again, I didn't really have too many expectations. But thinking about it, I have been in school for 18 years. That is approximately 80% of my life that has been taken up by the hustle and bustle of school and all of its responsibilities. Now I am entering into a new phase of my life that is quite different. Yeah, there is still a lot of hustle and bustle, but it's a different kind. When going to school, there is constantly something going on as far as homework, group meetings, rehearsals, performances, class, etc... When all that is said and done, and a degree is handed to ya, all of those responsibilities are no more. My life that was once filled with consistent chaos suddenly became completely silent... Now, I hear crickets and ask myself, "Now what?" ha.
I am quickly figuring out what it means to be a "real" human, and quite honestly, "adulthood" has not given me a very warm welcoming. There are a lot of stresses that are poured on top of you that no one can fix except yourself. I must say that I have learned quite a lot about who I am... and a lot of it has been hard to face. I am sure you know this already, but trusting is probably the hardest thing to accomplish. I mean trust in several different ways:
TRUSTING PEOPLE:
This is something that is so unbelievably scary. People are people. We all fail. But it can be so hard finding true, lasting friendships. People have their own agenda and most of the time are not too concerned about yours. Being in a tough industry, it's been hard dealing with this. You NEVER know who can be trusted with your heart. There is a guard that has to be put up... which I had to learn the hard way. How do you know when to be completely open with people and know that they aren't going to hurt you? Recently, I have been so blessed. I have said a lot of prayers and God has been faithful. He has given me new relationships that have been so amazing! Whitney, Michel, and Parker have come into my life a lot more often, which I love. :) Lauren Wedertz and I decided that we wanted to start a girls bible study... and that group of girls have become my heart. They have become accountability buddies and are teaching me how to trust... I am not completely there yet, but I'm learning. NEW DISCOVERY: it so hard for me to 100% open with people... I've never told one person everything about me. Only a couple of people really know what I am dealing with. I'm too afraid to appear weak. I have always been the "strong" one.
As far as romantic relationships are concerned, trusting something with your entire being is an incredible concept to wrap your head around. That means that you have to expose all of yourself to that person... and for someone like me, that is almost impossible. Jordan and I had an awesome talk about this the other night... we are very similar in our thought patterns, and it has been difficult for both of us to throw down our pride at times.. but there comes a point when you realize that if you really care for someone, all that needs to be put aside.. and you see each other for who you really are and you work through it all and you know that no matter what that person isn't going anywhere. Sheesh, that's intense.. but it's so true.. and it's amazing how God gave us relationship such as that to reflect the love and grace that He has for all of us.
TRUSTING YOURSELF:
It's hard to trust yourself when you are the only one in your head. We all perceive ourselves differently from what the world thinks of us. I don't know about you, but I see people in denial about themselves all of the time, and I always think, "Wow, I really hope I'm not like that.." haha... terrible, but true. I am terrified that everything that I believe about myself is false. But when I think about it, I really am aware of who I really am... whether I like to admit it or not, I know the good and the bad sides of me. I think where some of us have gone wrong is when we see the bad, choose not to believe it and for years and years make up lies about ourselves to make it all feel better. But after years of lying to yourself, you are bound to believe those lies. I have made it a point to be honest with myself. I have prayed for God to open my eyes to who He has made me to be, and I want to be an honest version of that. Once you get to that point where you know exactly who God made you to be and you know who you are in Him, His purposes become clearer and clearer. :)
TRUSTING GOD:
This is one that we tend to overlook. It's easy to forget about God. Trusting someone who we never actually see with our entire purpose for living seems almost crazy. But that is the beauty in it all. God is so huge. Daily I see how consistent He is. He sustains everything happening in our natural environment. He sustains our breath, our being. Who says that He can't take care of us and our small(in the grand scheme of things) problems? Watch this Rob Bell video and be amazed. :)
God did not create us to let us fail. He created us so that we will prosper (Jeremiah 29:11). He knows what's coming next in our lives and He has prepared the way. In times like these where I feel stagnant and unsure of where I am going, I know that I need to remember that God is carrying through these times saying "I love you, buddy! You're gonna make it." This is just a season that is teaching me and growing me for the next stage of my life... whatever that may be... What ever it is, I am excited about it, and I will welcome it with open arms!
Even though this time has been hard for me to grasp at times, I am so blessed to be where I am! I am eager to share with you what God is teaching me through all of this! God's plan is not always our own. He will make course corrections along the way that will keep in line with His purposes. I want to badly to serve Him the best way that I can and in any way that I can. It's time for a new season and a new phase of life! Can't wait to figure out more of who I am, more of who God really is, and what He is making me into be!
I am quickly figuring out what it means to be a "real" human, and quite honestly, "adulthood" has not given me a very warm welcoming. There are a lot of stresses that are poured on top of you that no one can fix except yourself. I must say that I have learned quite a lot about who I am... and a lot of it has been hard to face. I am sure you know this already, but trusting is probably the hardest thing to accomplish. I mean trust in several different ways:
TRUSTING PEOPLE:
This is something that is so unbelievably scary. People are people. We all fail. But it can be so hard finding true, lasting friendships. People have their own agenda and most of the time are not too concerned about yours. Being in a tough industry, it's been hard dealing with this. You NEVER know who can be trusted with your heart. There is a guard that has to be put up... which I had to learn the hard way. How do you know when to be completely open with people and know that they aren't going to hurt you? Recently, I have been so blessed. I have said a lot of prayers and God has been faithful. He has given me new relationships that have been so amazing! Whitney, Michel, and Parker have come into my life a lot more often, which I love. :) Lauren Wedertz and I decided that we wanted to start a girls bible study... and that group of girls have become my heart. They have become accountability buddies and are teaching me how to trust... I am not completely there yet, but I'm learning. NEW DISCOVERY: it so hard for me to 100% open with people... I've never told one person everything about me. Only a couple of people really know what I am dealing with. I'm too afraid to appear weak. I have always been the "strong" one.
As far as romantic relationships are concerned, trusting something with your entire being is an incredible concept to wrap your head around. That means that you have to expose all of yourself to that person... and for someone like me, that is almost impossible. Jordan and I had an awesome talk about this the other night... we are very similar in our thought patterns, and it has been difficult for both of us to throw down our pride at times.. but there comes a point when you realize that if you really care for someone, all that needs to be put aside.. and you see each other for who you really are and you work through it all and you know that no matter what that person isn't going anywhere. Sheesh, that's intense.. but it's so true.. and it's amazing how God gave us relationship such as that to reflect the love and grace that He has for all of us.
TRUSTING YOURSELF:
It's hard to trust yourself when you are the only one in your head. We all perceive ourselves differently from what the world thinks of us. I don't know about you, but I see people in denial about themselves all of the time, and I always think, "Wow, I really hope I'm not like that.." haha... terrible, but true. I am terrified that everything that I believe about myself is false. But when I think about it, I really am aware of who I really am... whether I like to admit it or not, I know the good and the bad sides of me. I think where some of us have gone wrong is when we see the bad, choose not to believe it and for years and years make up lies about ourselves to make it all feel better. But after years of lying to yourself, you are bound to believe those lies. I have made it a point to be honest with myself. I have prayed for God to open my eyes to who He has made me to be, and I want to be an honest version of that. Once you get to that point where you know exactly who God made you to be and you know who you are in Him, His purposes become clearer and clearer. :)
TRUSTING GOD:
This is one that we tend to overlook. It's easy to forget about God. Trusting someone who we never actually see with our entire purpose for living seems almost crazy. But that is the beauty in it all. God is so huge. Daily I see how consistent He is. He sustains everything happening in our natural environment. He sustains our breath, our being. Who says that He can't take care of us and our small(in the grand scheme of things) problems? Watch this Rob Bell video and be amazed. :)
God did not create us to let us fail. He created us so that we will prosper (Jeremiah 29:11). He knows what's coming next in our lives and He has prepared the way. In times like these where I feel stagnant and unsure of where I am going, I know that I need to remember that God is carrying through these times saying "I love you, buddy! You're gonna make it." This is just a season that is teaching me and growing me for the next stage of my life... whatever that may be... What ever it is, I am excited about it, and I will welcome it with open arms!
Even though this time has been hard for me to grasp at times, I am so blessed to be where I am! I am eager to share with you what God is teaching me through all of this! God's plan is not always our own. He will make course corrections along the way that will keep in line with His purposes. I want to badly to serve Him the best way that I can and in any way that I can. It's time for a new season and a new phase of life! Can't wait to figure out more of who I am, more of who God really is, and what He is making me into be!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Courtney, the blogger.
Well hello.
To be quite honest, I have no idea why I decided to create a blog. I was told the other day that blogging would do a lot for my well-being. And that sounded good.. so here I am! I'm not really sure what the point of blogs are. In someways I almost feel bad about becoming a blogger... because for some reason I have attracted you to this site, probably in your desperation to get away from a boring "something" that you are suppose to be doing... maybe work or school... but whatever it is, I am the reason you are distracted and are procrastinating. I understand this because I am distracted and am procrastinating because of this blog. Another reason I feel bad is because if you aren't currently being distracted from a specific task, you are probably bored out of your mind... You are eagerly looking for something to do... and I have created this blog for you to read and you are reading it instead of you doing something more productive that will make you less fat. Also, I am becoming fat by writing this... basically because I sit behind a desk all day long and blog.
Ok, so I promise that all of my blogs won't be this stupid.
Even though I don't understand the purpose of these blogs, I am really excited about doing it. It gives me another title in life. Here are some of my current titles:
Courtney, the human.
Courtney, the daughter
Courtney, the granddaughter
Courtney, the aunt
Courtney, the Christian
Courtney, the mother (of Ellie, not an actual child..maybe Courtney, the dog owner would be more appropriate.)
Courtney, the friend
Courtney, the girlfriend
Courtney, the co-worker
Courtney, the sister
Courtney, the singer
Courtney, the songwriter (this is a new one, that I am super excited about!)
Courtney, the assistant
Courtney, the crazy freak who listens to "Fish Heads"
.... although I am sure there are a lot more (please comment if you think of any), but I am excited to add:
COURTNEY, THE BLOGGER.
Also, Jamie Noel is going to start a blog too. We should have fun days of blogging at Black River Music Group!
I love each and everyone of you. This is my blog. Thank you for reading it. I wonder if you really made it this far. If you did, I owe you a cookie.
Love,
Courtney
To be quite honest, I have no idea why I decided to create a blog. I was told the other day that blogging would do a lot for my well-being. And that sounded good.. so here I am! I'm not really sure what the point of blogs are. In someways I almost feel bad about becoming a blogger... because for some reason I have attracted you to this site, probably in your desperation to get away from a boring "something" that you are suppose to be doing... maybe work or school... but whatever it is, I am the reason you are distracted and are procrastinating. I understand this because I am distracted and am procrastinating because of this blog. Another reason I feel bad is because if you aren't currently being distracted from a specific task, you are probably bored out of your mind... You are eagerly looking for something to do... and I have created this blog for you to read and you are reading it instead of you doing something more productive that will make you less fat. Also, I am becoming fat by writing this... basically because I sit behind a desk all day long and blog.
Ok, so I promise that all of my blogs won't be this stupid.
Even though I don't understand the purpose of these blogs, I am really excited about doing it. It gives me another title in life. Here are some of my current titles:
Courtney, the human.
Courtney, the daughter
Courtney, the granddaughter
Courtney, the aunt
Courtney, the Christian
Courtney, the mother (of Ellie, not an actual child..maybe Courtney, the dog owner would be more appropriate.)
Courtney, the friend
Courtney, the girlfriend
Courtney, the co-worker
Courtney, the sister
Courtney, the singer
Courtney, the songwriter (this is a new one, that I am super excited about!)
Courtney, the assistant
Courtney, the crazy freak who listens to "Fish Heads"
.... although I am sure there are a lot more (please comment if you think of any), but I am excited to add:
COURTNEY, THE BLOGGER.
Also, Jamie Noel is going to start a blog too. We should have fun days of blogging at Black River Music Group!
I love each and everyone of you. This is my blog. Thank you for reading it. I wonder if you really made it this far. If you did, I owe you a cookie.
Love,
Courtney
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